Kitchen Twitchin'

I can't figure out what's making that noise in the kitchen I hear every night, but I have a few guesses, and none of them are very pleasant.

And here they are:

1. A mouse
2. A rat
3. A puma
4. A hundred mice, waiting to spring out and nest in my beard the second I go to sleep
5. Somnambulists
6. A persistent but ineffective burglar
7. Monsters up visiting from the desert
8. Bosnians
9. Meat loaf that I should have thrown away before moving last March
   
10. The salamander from the mixing bowl
11. The sound effects guy from the Police Academy movie doing a sound effect of strange noises in the kitchen
12. Jeff. He's invisible.
13. Caramel Chameleons
14. Pets I forgot we had
15. Overeager Rice Krispies
16. The curse of the haunted hippo pepper shaker
17. A tiny universe growing in a tub of butter
18. Narnians
19. A tiny black hole behind the refrigerator
20. Bureaucracy

Frankly, I don't think I have enough spray to kill any of that stuff.