6 posts tagged “wii”
1. Happy birthday to Jake and Katie. Also, happy anniversary guys! And happy father's day. Thank you for not cramming all of that stuff into late December instead of mid-June. Now let's stop buying presents for a while, OK?
2. Aaron is sick. When I was growing up, it always seemed like a crime against nature to get sick when the weather was this nice. Aaron missed going to the pool twice today. And it was the first day in something like three weeks where we didn't have a severe thunderstorm looming. However, he did get to go to the toy store instead, so we probably don't have to think of today as the Day That Ruined His Childhood.
3. For the two of you who read this blog for Aaron stories and who haven't heard this one yet: Aaron had a bad dream the other night. I went in there to calm him down and ask what happened.
Aaron: There was a mystery man in here. But now he's gone.
Me: Was he a nice man?
Aaron: No, he was a mystery man.
Me: I think you had a bad dream.
Aaron: But he wasn't you, Daddy.
Me: No?
Aaron: No, he had hair on his head.
4. I turned 31 on Saturday. My parents took me to the zoo.
Technically, my parents and siblings joined me in taking our kids to the zoo, but let's be honest here: it was my birthday. I also celebrated with a cookout at my parents' house. My birthday dinner included cherries, potato salad, those bars that have pretzels and strawberries and cream cheese, ice cream cake, chocolate chip cookies, and two other dinners.
The Wii Fit isn't speaking to me right now.
5. It was fantastic to see Bill and Jess while they were in town. They stopped by our house overnight. Here's what they brought: An extra wheel for playing Mario Kart, Ticket to Ride, Guitar Hero, root beer, rum, and maybe toothbrushes. I don't think I have to tell you what kind of crazy rum-fueled, guitar poundin', transcontinental-railroad-buildin' fun we had.
No wonder Aaron's sick.
Dr. Mario is back! He's on the Wii, and teaching a whole new generation that you can solve your problems with pills.
Have you ever played Dr. Mario and taken a Flintstones vitamin every time you kill a germ? It doesn't take long before you start to develop what I call Mario Focus. Even if you lose, you'll feel virtually unstoppable. Of course, there's also the hallucinations, but get those in check and learn the following guidelines, and you'll get your Mario doctorate in no time flat.
1. Learn which way the pill spins. When you press the button, you should know which color will be on the left and which one will be on the right. Learn this, and you're halfway to being the best Dr. Mario player in the universe.
2. Work your way down from the top. Those pills will start dropping pretty fast at the end of the game, and the distance it takes to get to the bottom gives you enough time to spin your pills properly. Don't leave any on the top!
3. If you screw up, don't get flustered. Getting rid of two poorly placed colors is easy. But if you lose focus and start dropping pills willy-nilly, it'll be a lot tougher to catch up.
4. Pretend that every color is important. If you've just got red and blue germs showing, imagine that one of them (preferably one between a red germ and a blue germ) is actually yellow, and place all of your yellows there until you uncover a real place for the yellows. It's fun to pretend things.
5. Don't get too clever. It is very cool to see those horizontal matches disappear, but if you can set up a vertical just as easily, do it. Set up the pills to get your combos, but remember the important thing is getting rid of the germs before their feelings are hurt, poor little guys.
6. Do all the yellow ones first. Yellow is the color of lemons and urine. Get that horrible color out of your pill bottle.
7. Time your drops carefully. If you can drop every pill on a downbeat in either Chill or Cough while Mario's hand is in the backmost position, you can unlock the nude Mario ending. It's shocking, but answers a lot of nagging questions.
8. Make sure your Wii-mote is pointed East. It's a well known fact that Dr. Mario is one of Japan's most nationalistic games, (next to Shenmue and River City Ransom) so you get extra rewards by pointing your Wii-mote toward the Land of the Rising Sun. If you do this on levels 20 and higher, you not only get more points, you will actually learn to speak Japanese.
9. Practice good hygiene. I have it on good authority that if you lose, the germs on the screen will be transferred to the Wii-mote over the internet and escape through the built-in microphone onto your hands. Scrub your hands! Get the germs off before they get into your skin. Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!
10. Buzzy buzzy goomba. Hail starman, or quake before the mighty spinies of lakitu's wrath. There are vines growing in the bricks, vines to heaven, sweet heaven awash in coins. Koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa koopa troopa grab the power mushroom!
Does Wii Fit make you fit? Well, it does if your fatness comes from playing video games.
See, I've been spending the evenings not going for walks in beautiful, scenic, summery MInnesota, but instead basking in the faint glow of the Wii.
So all I needed to do was make one small change. Instead of playing a game about something cool, like go-cart racing, I play a game about something lame, like push ups. But since it's Nintendo, even push ups seem like fun. Take Step Aerobics, for example. For some reason, Nintendo presents step aerobics like this: You and a dozen of your closest friends and family members in Mii form are performing basic steps on a darkened stage. In the audience is everyone you've ever raced your Mario Kart against, including some leering weirdo known only as "The Perv." The music starts, and if you've ever played a Nintendo game, you've got a pretty good idea of what the music sounds like already, and you step on to your little board for 3 minutes, and it's kind of fun. Or, it's not fun, or if you have stage fright, there's a game that lets you Wii step on your own, change the channels, and police yourself as the little speaker in your remote keeps the beat and tells you when your time is up.
The Wii board is basically two scales stuck together, much the way the Wii is just two Gamecubes stuck together. What that means is that it weighs you every day, calculates your BMI, and generally makes you regret the existence of Toffee Almond Bars, but it also can tell how much weight you're putting on each foot. And that's the impetus for about half the games.
There are a few basic balance tests, and then a group of balance mini-games, all designed to let you know that you probably shouldn't be walking unaided, you clumsy twit. The balance games include a ski jump simulator, snowboarding, and a solitaire version of Hey! That's My Fish! You lean forward to go faster, you lean left and right to keep balance on the jump, slalom, or steer your Mii in a penguin suit around a slippery iceberg. The balance games also include a game where you have to navigate your embubbled Mii down a river without touching the banks, and it has me addicted. I can't believe they only put in the one map. I could balance my bubble-Mii all evening. The much ballyhooed soccer game is also a balance game, and it's OK. I can't get past the fact that you want the soccer balls to hit you in the face, but you definitely do not want the fuzzy panda heads to hit you in the face. Why fuzzy panda heads? Why not water balloons, or bowling balls, or pie, or PS3s? It takes away from the whole sport of soccer, if you ask me. Panda heads, what the hell?
The Yoga and Strength Training have a virtual trainer who tells you how to do the downward dog and the sun salutation and the angry hornet and the noodle doodle and whatever other yoga poses they make up. Because of the two-scales thing, the trainer can tell if you're unbalanced, so that when I'm "doing a palm tree", the trainer says, "You look a little shaky. You look a little shaky. You look a little shaky. The palm tree will stretch your ERROR YOU LOOK A LITTLE SHAKY." Unlike a real trainer, these trainers can't actually fix your pose, just nag you until you get it right. But also unlike a real trainer, these ones don't cost $60 a session.
But the best part about Wii Fit is that we've been playing it in the evenings, which is usually when I like to eat my bowl of ice cream. So in addition to doing exercise, I've got the tremendous guilt associated with letting down my uncanny valley personal trainer and anthropomorphized talking balance board, so it works out pretty well for me.
Also there's a game about sitting, and let me tell you, both Jenna and I are sitting rock stars.
Wii owners: should you buy Smash Brothers? There is ample evidence that says you should.
Super Smash Brothers Brawl got an 10 from EGM, a 9.5 from IGN, a 9.5 from Gamespot, and in fact the lowest score I've seen so far was an 8.0 from a website called Giant Bomb. They're good scores, my friends. A 9.5 is an A+. Olympic figure skaters would kill for a 9.5. If Roger Ebert had 9.5 thumbs, he'd be considered a god among men. So we can assume that there are people out there who say it's a good game.
Of course, it's a fighting game. And maybe you don't like fighting games. I can understand that. Most fighting games are basically about memorizing long sequences of button presses. This series is different. Everyone uses the same moves, it's just a matter of having good timing, or having good projectiles. I've heard rumors that Pikachu is a vicious, dirty cheater, but in my experience, he's not unbeatable. In keeping with a running Wii theme, anyone can pick up the controls and do all right for themselves. And if not, you can adjust the handicaps before the match. Super Smash Brothers Brawl also differs from traditional fighting games in that it's not about mercilessly pummeling your opponent until you can't see from all the blood; instead, it's like king of the hill, when if you hit someone with a laser gun, your opponent bounces around in a very Elmer Fudd-like way. Their spinal columns never exit their bodies. You win when you knock them off their platforms.
And speaking of platforms, there is a lot of fond reminiscing about some of the platforms that came before the Wii. What makes this game unique is how much extra stuff is crammed into it for people willing to look. If you grew up playing NES looking for hidden warp whistles and unlocking crazy new outfits, this game is a love letter to your video game past. You can unlock levels from the last Smash Brothers game, you can unlock music from classic games like Kid Icarus, Punch-out, and even some game called Clu-Clu Land. There's an old video game motto that goes, "Anyone who fondly recalls Clu-Clu Land is someone who something something Bubble Bobble." You can even play snippets of some of these landmark games. You can unlock 1-minute versions of Super Mario 1 and 2, Donkey Kong, Star Fox 64, and a bunch of other classics. The more you know about Nintendo, the more you fondly recall old Nintendo games, the more you will love this game.
Of course, the real appeal of the Smash Brothers series is that it answers that age-old question: Who would win in a fight? Samus Aran or Yoshi? Donkey Kong or Luigi? Kirby or Jigglypuff? Although, frankly, all of those should be fairly obvious (Samus, Donkey Kong, who cares). This game raises the stakes by including a few characters from outside the world of Nintendo. Well, two characters. Solid Snake from Metal Gear and Sonic the Hedgehog from Wikipedia. It's kind of a dream come true for anyone who grew up with a Nintendo and knew someone who had a Sega Genesis and basically ended their friendships based on that fact. Now you know for sure that Mario is better.
The single player offering is robust, to say the least. There's a long drawn out adventure mode that includes some of the best graphics I've seen on the Wii. Sure, it's a little repetitive, but it reminds me of an update of those old side-scrollers where fighting through a zany cast of wacky enemies is just What Video Game Characters Do. There are also specialized challenges, a fight the computer mode, and a series of 12 fights that parallel the single player mode from previous games. There's also the home-run contest, where you wallop the hell out of a punching bag, and a multi-man brawl where you fight endless waves of killer robots, just like I do every night in my dreams. Even if you never play against another human being, this game will give you hours of scuffles and trophy-unlocking. Super Smash Brothers Scuffle would also be a good name for a sequel, by the way.
Of course, you're going to want to focus on the multi-player, because the theme, if you remember is King of the Hill, and being king of the hill against a computer is just lame. The thrill of watching your Fox McCloud knock your buddy's Pokemon Trainer out of Hyrule with an army of Excitebikes is one to be savored, and also one that you will probably never experience outside of this game, unless you are taking some powerful drugs. Super Smash Brothers Brawl takes that brave first step for Nintendo in allowing you to play against an opponent online. That means that even though nobody in this town owns a Wii except me, I could still be playing against all of you if you would only buy this game. Just like old times. Plus, you'll pretty much be guaranteed to beat me, because I'm just not that great at this game. I spend the whole time trying to pick up the Assist Trophy and get mercilessly whomped until people start leaving me alone out of pity. Just like old times. However, this time, i can taunt you with my own personalized taunts. They sting, my friends. They sting like a million Bumblebee Marios.
So maybe you should pick this one up. Let's review here: it's good. It has a lot of hidden bonuses to unlock. It remembers the Clu-Clu. It has plenty to offer single players. You can play online. You'll beat me. That's a pretty hearty recommendation for you guys.
So, seriously, any time now.
PS Except Bill and Jess.
For Valentine's Day, Jenna hooked me up with some Wii points, and now they're burning a hole in my virtual wallet.
I already spent five points on Bubble Bobble, mostly out of a desire to hear a midi version of Flight of the Bumblebee, but 1600 points remain, and I can't decide what to spend them on. I keep thinking it would be nice to get an N64 game that I don't already have, like StarFox or Wave Race, but I still secretly believe that the N64 games are a tad too expensive, and if I only wait three or four years, they'll go down to nine dollars. And a lot of people have mentioned that Super Mario Kart 64 is a great game to download, but I already played through it on my own N64 not all that long ago, and who is going to want to play Virtual Console games against me?
There are some tempting games from the 16 bit era as well. They just released the Super Nintendo version of Harvest Moon, and as you've probably already figured out, I'm a sucker for sheep-shearing sims, so that's another top consideration. Of course, then there's Super Mario World, which is just as good as the Super Mario Brothers 3 that I downloaded (which Katie and I just call Super 3 -- also, we sometimes call Luigi "Weege" -- out of sheer coolness) with the added bonus that I haven't memorized all of the stages. Again, however, the price point gives me pause. If I get one 800 point Super Nintendo game, I've already priced myself out of getting a Nintendo 64 game. And don't talk to me about buying more points. I need to skillfully manage the allotment of points I have right now and stop dreaming about future points that may or may not materialize. Tomorrow's points may never come, so spend your points wisely today, that's my motto.
That leaves the 8 bit games. Like I said, I've got Bubble Bobble and Super 3, so I don't want to overdo it on the NES games. Plus, I've got all kinds of GameCube compilation games that include all the Sonics/Mega Mans (Mega Men?)/Midway Arcade Classics/Namco Arcade Treasures that keep showing up. Sure there's Punch-Out!! which probably belongs in my collection based solely on the fact that it has a character named King Hippo, but in the end, Punch-Out!! is just about figuring out timing, and Mr. Dream isn't nearly as cool as 80s era Mike Tyson. Since the last two games I downloaded were 8-bits, I feel like I'm frittering away my points instead of making a bold, heady purchase.
Then there's all the games from the other consoles, your Neo-Geo, your Sega Genesis, your Turbo-Grafx. I have just come to accept that these consoles at one time existed, and certainly am unwilling to spend my precious, precious points on the likes of them.
Sometimes I think it's just nice to have the points.
In any case, it's a conundrum. Is it any wonder I'm not sleeping at night?
Well, I think Nintendo has finally learned its lesson. Never again will those suits in Redmond release a console where they don't think carefully about price, release date, online compatibility, and ample production. My three month boycott of the nearly impossible to find system has clearly gotten through to them. So I got a Wii.
When the Wii launched, I told most people that I didn't want to stand in line and get herded around like a sheep for a damn video game console, and I believe the manner in which I scoffed was what you'd call derisive. Well, now when you see me you can go ahead and call me Mr. Hypocrite and slap me in the back of the head (or, if you've already been doing that, now you've got a reason) because that's exactly what I did yesterday. We were told that a secret shipment of the good stuff would be arrive early Sunday morning at one of my usual dealers, so we sat outside waiting for the sign that we could go in. When the doors were unlocked, we all came streaming out of our cars, up the escalator, past the registers, through baby clothes, cutting across the home decor, turning right at toys and waiting in line where we were to present our valuable tickets to the burly security guard. I then turned around and retraced my steps pretty much back to the car in order to get my ticket, but then it was back up the escalator, past the registers, through baby clothes, cutting across the home decor, turning right at toys and waiting in line for me. I finally bought a Wii.
While the purchase of a new video game system in our household is usually a time of joy and celebration about on par with our wedding day, my feelings yesterday were decidedly mixed. First of all, I sold the GameCube, which had given me nothing but faithful service for five years. The guy at the store seemed genuinely surprised that I would sell it back, like I was melting down our family photo album for precious metals or something. I confidently reassured the gentleman that the Wii is 100% backwards compatible, and I would be enjoying my vast collection of GameCube games, even though I would no longer be the owner of a GameCube itself. Thus, money changed hands, and I bade farewell to ol' Gamey forever, and left with Elebits in its place.
And then something horrible happened.
I felt a hankering to relive the glory days of Burnout 2, so I popped in the disk, and my Memory Card no longer held the file for it. In fact, it didn't have anything except a message that it was corrupted and needed to be erased and reformatted. I gasped. I really, audibly gasped. My crash records, my unlockable cars, my Smash Brothers trophies, my Rogue Squadron Progress, my achievements in video gaming and all the secret treasure they unlocked over a span of four years -- vanished. It was like that Twilight Zone episode, where they guy just wants some peace and quiet to read his books, and then everyone dies and he's the last man on earth, and he finally sits down to read a book, and he finds out that he has to start them all over from the beginning, and he still needs to unlock the footnotes by reading through all the maddening subplots of minor characters. Exactly like that episode.
I haven't formatted the card yet, but my preliminary search for help with this topic has come up with 1. You're screwed, 2. And you deserve it because you bought a third party memory card, and 3. You monster. If anyone knows of a secret combination of buttons I could press or a potion in the minus world that I could drink to retrieve my precious saves, please let me know, and rescue me from this abyss of sorrow.
Other than that, the Wii is pretty cool.
